gome! yeasterday i typed a whole chunk of reflection but forgot to save before the window close by itself...sad sad...never mind...though i don't remeber but i know yesterday was a happy happy day! yea! chat a lot with yisiew & laoma(minmin)!! wahahahahax...about shanghai of course...i realise that lately i've been neglecting xl...gome ne xl!! tell me if you feel neglected next time! but i just can't stop my craziness when i saw yisiew! haha...we really can relate eveything we do here with shanghai...WE WANT TO GO BACK!! aaaahhh~~going crazy!! today is a happy day too! melted chocolate AGAIN! wahahahax...with green apple! super nice! today is a rainy day...everyday is raining...so quite cold...but still can't compare the coldness with shanghai...hahax...shall make a 晴天娃娃...but i'm lazy! yea! that's all for today...i'm being a 宅女again...

today i stayed at home for the whole day! i don't even know how the sky looks like today...hahax...today i tried melting chocolate! like how xl told me how she did it! super nice! i dip it with cherry! uwaa~warm chocolate is nice!! i shall try to make some chocolate for my friends next year during valentine's day! omg! i'm so sweet! wahahahahax...oh ya oh ya!!! omg!!! i can't believe i tried doing my homework!!! though it's not a lot but it's a good start!! wahahahahahahax...here's a happy me today!!! but today was quite boring too...i wanted to chat with someone but there's nobody to chat woth...except for yisiew who chat with me in the morning for a while...omg!!! at least yesterday there was cong & a lot more people who chat with me...well~  that's all for today! ja!

seriously speaking i hate my brother. in front of other people we might seems very close but we always quarell and i hate him. mum always say that she don't like him. but she did not realise that she bias towards brother. i know i must learn how to forgive & forget what he had done but i don't think i should forgive someone who know he had done wrong but refuse or don't even bother to change. i really don't like to talk to him. sometimes i feel like puking when i see him. for godness sake can he just dissapear? at least in front of me. who he think he is. if dad is not there to help him he would have been in jail? or maybe become a beggar or even dead? i really hate him down to my core. i can't believe i have to live with him. i can't believe why was i so happy back then when i know that he is going to move back to live with us. how i wish he can move away now. right ay this moment. but please live on. i don't wish to lose a brother when i'm still so young. just move away & appear only when i wish to see you.

for those who read this, which i think only have xl & cong, you will see another me here. maybe i'm not what you imagined. i also have my 'dark' side. just that i don't show doesn't mean i don't have. i'm sure that everyone has two sides of them, so do i. maybe this will help you to understand me more or even let myself understand myself more. seriously, sometimes i don't understand myself. haha...of course i'll also put my ''bright' side here...if not this lj will be soooooooooo dark. i didn't expect myself to post so many in one day. or in a short one hour or two. i just let bot of you know about this because i don't think i want any other people to understand me better. or should i say 没那个必要. so for xl...i'll just update my problems or feelings should i say on here. you can continue to send me the book evey term or maybe you can try this too. haha. this thing is really going to be very private. writing(typing) out how you feel everyday might make you feel better. because i don't like to talk to people face-to-face on how i feel. this will be a better way. sorry if this thing is super boring. because i'm a boring person. no choice.

so far i've finished 3 story from my way 4. it's really a good book. i strongly recommend it! maybe i'll only read one story per day. so that i can spend the rest of the time inspired & thinking of the story. there's many way of understanding a story. different people understand each differently. although sometimes i don't quite understand it. after finishing my way 4 i'll re-read my way 1 2 & 3. & go on as a routine. maybe i''m going to email the writer ,jidi, one day. my comment for the first story [hide my heart] is...i don't understand. i only know that the writer is trying to say that each of us can find someone who we likelove or is important to us one day. this is what i told cong. i've found mine. not that kind or boy-girl love. but those kind of true friend or you found another family member. someone that is decided and can never be changed. that someone i'm sure people who know me or us well enough should know. you can have a lot of friends but family member can only be those that are fated to be. back to topic. instead i understand the comment jidi always had after each story very well. & i like it a lot.not the part where jidi discuss what love is with her friend, but the part where she remember a simple comic . it really moved me and it's really very meaningful. it will really inspire you. those who are interested once again can borrow it from me, buy it or ask me to tranaslate if you can't understand chinese or can't find the book. the second story is [country driver]. actually this story is more suitable for people older? or people who have their own children. so for us, it will be useful when we grow older or maybe this story is reminding us. we must always care about our parents and understand their feeling. i understand this story quite well so the problem is the comment jidi made. hmm...i don't quite understand. maybe i'll understand when i read it again some other day. the third story is [misery]. i understand both the story and the comment very well. they are related. both are telling us that we should cherish ourself or what we are able to do now. many story always focus on telling us to cherish our parents friends or what we have & don'r take them for granted and so on. but for this story, it is a bit different. it is actually telling us to cherish ourself because we are still healthy and are already very lucky to be a normal person. it actually also tell us that we are so incomparable to those handicapped or people who are born with problems. even though the people might be handicapped, but they can also lead a normal or at least a happy life too. they should not be sad. instead they should see this as an apportunity. an apportunity for them to understand themselves better. an apportunity for that to see little little things around them everyday. an apportunity for them to realise how good(?) they surrounding actually is.

i'm addicted to computer. i know that i should not.  i''ve already not so addicted to NewS & all those fangirling anymore. this might be a good starting. i'm going to start doing my homework. hontouni. i did not say this because i just want to say it. this is to remind me. i realised that lately i use the computer to chat with people more than i use to to fangirl. at least for the past few months i'm doing that. now chatting with my shanghai friends mean more than fangirling. at least to me i feel that it is better. today i chat with cong through msn. i found out a super shocking news. ann actually thought that cong & me might get into relationship. she actually disapprove us chatting. or just don't want us to be really good friend? well...i know that ann just don't want him to affect his studies. after all they are all single child. at the same time this might also be the reason why we can get so well with each other. since he's the only child & i don't have a younger brother, we might be finding something that we are longing for on each other. but i think that ann is over reacting. we are just friends. maybe if he's not living in another country as me it might be another story. because of this we must not let other people know that we are keeping in contact. it might be a bit stupid or what but i don't want to lose a friend just like this. he's the third person i promise to work hard for. 1st person i promise to is me. because i wanted to do my parents proud. inspired by mr karmau. i want them to see me in university graduation robe & see their tears of joy. since i''m the only one they can put their hope on. 2nd person is xl. we promise to work hard together. we want to get into the same jc. i also want to get into the same university with her. i want to spend as much time as her because in the future if i want to live & work in japan i'll have to leave her. she's really important for me. in future she might be the 1st i can't bear to leave besides my parents. 3rd is coong. we want to show other people that they are wrong & there's nothing between us. i was greatly inspired by the students in shanghai. ALL of them are so hardworking. simply because they are all the only child and they have no choice. so i think since i have much more freedom as compared to them i should not take them for granted.

today i suddenly feel like doing a blog or somewhat a diary-like thing. i wanted to note down eveything that happen or things that i came across or sth that inspires me. actually i've always wanted to do this but i'm just too lazy. so taking this apportunity i hope that i can update as frequently as possible. this is more of a place that i can reveal myself so i won't let many ppl noe about this except for those who already know my lj. sometimes i might do recounting instead of what happen on tt day itself bcuz i know that i won't be so hardworking to update everyday. this is not for entertainment purpose so i wont expect any comments or anyone to read it. i just hope to share my life with...a computer? hahax...